How to Write Your Own Obituary: A Gentle Guide

Deciding to write your own obituary may feel unusual at first, but many people find it surprisingly peaceful. It lets you tell your story in your own words, share what mattered most, and lift a difficult task from your family's shoulders during a time of grief. You do not need to be a writer. You only need to be honest and a little curious about your own life.

This guide walks you through why people choose to do this, what to include, and how to begin.

Why Write Your Own Obituary?

People choose to write their own obituary for many reasons:

• To ease their family's burden. Loved ones will not have to search for dates or wonder what you would want.

• To get the details right. You know your own history, names, and places best.

• To share your voice. Your humor, values, and way of seeing the world can shine through.

• To reflect. Looking back on your life can bring gratitude and perspective.

Writing your obituary fits naturally alongside other planning steps. Our guide to pre-planning a funeral explains how these choices can become a gift to the people you love.

What to Include When You Write Your Own Obituary

Most obituaries follow a familiar structure. You can use it as a starting point and change anything you like:

1. Basic details: Your full name, including any nicknames, and the places you have called home. Leave space for your family to add the date and place of death.

2. Early life: Where you were born, who raised you, and a memory or two from childhood.

3. Education and work: Schools, careers, military service, or work you were proud of.

4. Love and family: A spouse or partner, children, grandchildren, siblings, and dear friends.

5. What you loved: Hobbies, faith, causes, travel, pets, and small joys.

6. Your wishes: Service preferences, memorial donations, or a simple thank-you.

For help deciding what to leave in or out, see our guide to obituary etiquette.

How Do You Start Writing About Yourself?

Writing about yourself can feel awkward. These prompts can help the words come:

• What three words would your closest friend use to describe you?

• What are you most proud of, big or small?

• What did you learn the hard way that you would like to pass on?

• What made an ordinary day feel good to you?

• What do you hope people remember when they think of you?

Jot down answers without editing. You can shape them into paragraphs later.

Choosing Your Voice

You can write in the third person ("She loved early mornings and strong coffee") or the first person ("If you are reading this, I want you to know..."). First-person obituaries can feel especially warm and personal. Choose what sounds most like you.

Your obituary does not need to list every achievement. A few true stories, told in your own voice, will help people remember you clearly.

Sample Wording for a Self-Written Obituary

Adapt these examples to fit your story and personality.

A Traditional Opening

"Robert James Allen of Spokane, a devoted husband, proud grandfather, and lifelong fan of terrible puns, passed away on [date] at the age of [age]."

A First-Person Opening

"Well, friends, this is my last chance to have the final word. I had a good run, filled with family dinners, long drives, and more garden tomatoes than anyone could eat."

A Closing Thought

"Please do not spend too long being sad. Call someone you love, take the scenic route home, and have a slice of pie for me."

Practical Tips for a Pre-Written Obituary

• Keep it in a safe place. Store it with your other important papers and tell a trusted person where to find it.

• Leave blanks. Use placeholders for the date, age, and service details.

• Review it now and then. Update it after big life events, such as a new grandchild or a move.

• Talk with your family. Sharing your wishes can open meaningful conversations. Our article on talking about end-of-life wishes offers gentle ways to begin.

When the time comes, your family can share your obituary online, in a newspaper, or on a memorial page. At Obituary Oasis, families can submit an obituary that is reviewed by a real person before it goes live.

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Frequently Asked Questions

Is it strange to write your own obituary?

Not at all. It is becoming more common, and many people find it comforting and even meaningful. It is simply another way to plan ahead and share your story.

How long should a self-written obituary be?

There is no set length. Many are a few hundred words. If it will appear in a newspaper, a shorter version may help with cost, while online memorials allow more room.

Can my family edit what I wrote?

Yes, and it is kind to say so. Let them know they are welcome to add details, update information, or trim it to fit where it will be published.

Where should I keep my obituary?

Keep a copy with your will or other important documents and tell a trusted family member or friend where to find it.